Sunday, January 06, 2008

Thoughts on the New Year and my friend's pasing

I 'm not a big New Year Resolution writer anymore. I used to write them every year, stuff the list away with some part of the Christmas paraphanalia then be dissapointed when I would look at it the following year. One thing I realized about these lists after the mandatory resolutions about weight and money was that most of the resolutions were about how I wanted other people in my life to change.

Last Fall, I was listening to the radio and a Rabbi was talking about what the Jewish New Years means. She spoke about each person using three concepts for guidance. First, develope a spiritual life, second, repair, build and improve relations with family and friends and last fight for justice each day. When I first heard this the first year anniversary of Bob's (my husband) death had just passed. I was feeling an empty spot because I had taken care of him for so long then worked to make meaning of his death and feeling of bereavement.

These three concepts have been so helpful. I have really tried to apply the second to my mother. I can loose my patience with herso easily instead of looking at all of her good qualities.

My friend passed Friday about five minutes after I had my last visit with her. I am very grateful to her family that they allowed me to share in their taking care of her in her last days. It brought back so many memories of taking care of Bob while he was on hospice care and I do think that I was able to share some of my experience with them. Yesterday, I brought over a big Italian meal to the family so that they would have something home cooked to eat after making the final arrangements. I doubled what I was making and froze half to save for when we finally get around to celebrating my son's 25th birthday.

I know that Beth used these three principles every day. She was a deeply spiritual person, has a wonderful relationship with her husband, children, grandchildren and many friends and did volunteer work every day that brought comfort and understanding to a suffering part of our community. I will miss her.


Siercia said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.

How lucky you were to be able to spend time with her in her last days.

Katya said...

Oh Frances, I am so sorry to hear about Beth's death. It is so hard to lose those whom we love through death...particularly when they leave us prematurely. We may never understand the why's, but we become stronger and more understanding of the world around us. I used to wonder why God punished us by taking those we love away, but now I realize He is not taking them away, but in their loss, He can strengthen us if we allow Him to do so. And once we have been strengthened, we can be used in situations to help others going through similar circumstances. We may not enjoy this time, but the Good Lord knows what we need, and when we need it! We just continue to trust, and He works through us. Your compassionate heart encourages me as I read about Beth, your mother, and your grandmother! You are a blessing, dear Frances! May God continue to bless YOU!