Tuesday, August 14, 2007

August 14th 2007

One year has gone since Bob passed away last year on this date. I have been so busy this summer that I was either too tired or too busy to focus on last summer events. As soon as Caroline's party was finished and I've had some time to relax, I've really been feeling sad and missing Bob again.

Today, Caroline and I went out to Long Branch for lunch at a cute Sushi restaurant near the beach and to walk around and just spend some time together. She was just perfect to be with. We spent time talking about both sad and funny memories. My son, just does not understand sadness and he was stressful to be around. At one point when I was feeling very sad and weepy all he could focus on was how well I'm doing, how much I have accomplished etc. DUH, I could have wacked him of the side of his handsome head! He does not understand how what he is saying can be true BUT I can still feel such loss NOW!!! Their father and my husband is only dead a year. We are all entitled to still feel grief! He hides his feeling from Caroline and I in an attempt to be strong and not upset us. I wish he could just listen without needing so strongly to fix it right away.

I'm going to go knit with my friends tonight at B&N and as they are ALL women there I feel OK about going. I can feel how I'm feeling and the knitting will be an OK distraction.


Katya said...

Aw, Frances, I am so sorry you are missing Bob so. I cannot imagine how hard this must be. We are still feeling the loss of my father-in-law so much, and he passed away 2 1/2 years ago. I think men grieve differently than women do. It is as though they grieve instantly, then "get on with life". Your son is probably trying in his (manly) way to comfort you by pointing out the strengths he sees in you! Guys...how will we EVER understand them? I pray that you will find the peace and strength to get through the dark and tough times. Please know I am pullin' for you!!!
Big hugs, Frances!!!

trek said...

Men always want to "fix" things. Even when we just want them to shut up, listen, and be sympathetic.