First Day Back at Work

Today was my first day back at work. I went in on Tuesday just to set up and prepare but today was my first day with responsibilities. I did two workshops and they both went well. My topic was Moving Towards Algebraic Thinking in the Elementary Grades. I didn't let anyone know the theme until the end or some people would have objected! I'm also seeing lots of people for the first time since Bob died and as much as I appreciate their good wishes and condolences it get hard and I felt weepy too much today. I made plans to go to Park Slope on Sept 16th to see the Yarn Harlot in person. I plan on bringing one of my own socks in progress along for the visit! I'm making good progress on my fan and feather scarf and I have used so little of the cone of white silk wool lace weight yarn I got from the jagger, zepher coop that I think I may not need to ever buy lace weight until I am ready for retirement!or later. It feels so soft and comfy. I'm thinking of doing one for my grandmother's 95th birthday. She is ALWAYS cold and this soft scarf would be nice tucked into her sweaters etc.

August 27

Yesterday I took the medication the doctor prescribed and felt better but must have been more woozy then I thought because I totally messed up the shawl I was working on and had to frog the entire thing! I started a scarf with fan and feather so I'll try the shawl when I can better concentrate on it! I spent today quietly at home and cleaned up my desk. I have thank you cards to write and so many medical bills to deal with. I've been feeling a bit blue the house seems too empty and quiet. I go back to work in a few days and it will be good for me!

50th Post

This is my 5oth post. I guess that is a marker of some kind! I could not sleep last night because my back is killing me. I hurt my back during the big rearranging of furniture etc. we went through earlier this summer. It seemed to be getting better with hot and cold packs etc, BUT yesterday the pain returned with determination. I was up almost all night using hot and cold packs and searching for a comfortable position. This morning I went to the doctor and he is not sure what is wrong but he gave me a fist full of prescriptions and suggested an x ray. He also said to take it easy for a few days. I think this means sit on the couch and watch movies and knit, or at least that is what I plan to do. I have four projects on the needles and I can't concentrate on a specific one so I just keep jumping back and forth! The camera is promised back later today so I will post pictures.

Thanks to my swap pals

I have gotten goodies in the mail the last few days, actually I have gotten wonderful things in the mail ALL summer and I am confused about who all this wonderful stuff is from! I still don't have my camera, so pictures will have to come later. I got a spoiler package from my SP8. There was THREE wonderful skeins of yarns, chocolate and hot chocolate. Then today I got another pack of two skeins of sock yarn, Sock It To Me in great shades of blue and greens and I can't figure out what swap they are from! I think my brain is fried. I joined the SP8, the One Skein Swap, and the knitting chicks not secret swap. BUT I keep getting everything confused!!!! Right now I'm into startitis, I started the Swallowtail Shawl from the current Interweave Knits, and the Rabbit Proof Scarf from Morehouse Merino Knits AND I have about 12 other things I want to start RIGHT away. I go back to work next week and I have millions of projects to do around the house SO why am I starting two projects now?

August 18th

I have no knitting ,quilting or soaping content to talk about in this post. I have not been able to quilt or touch knitting needles since Monday. We had Bob's funeral on Wed. and I believe that his life was celebrated by the number of people who came to support us and remember him. My daughter and I made a collage of pictures of him and that was the most healing act for me. I have the picture of his face in pain in my eyes and seeing him in happier times and remembering what he used to look like helped. I can't be in the family room right now. There is a HUGE hole in the room where his bed was. I went to IKEA yesterday and bought a work table to put there. I'm going to move my computer, sewing machine and yarns etc down there. Right now it's the little things that side swipe me. I made an appointment to have the dog groomed and the groomer said, "Where's Bob been?" She went on to mention that Bob used to walk the dog over near her store to visit with a stuffed bear outside the florist next to her. They were wondering if something happened to Bob or the dog. I am going to my afternoon knitting group today, then out to dinner with friends and on to a planning meeting for a workshop I participate in every year. Last night I had dinner at my mother's house. Steven goes back to Hawaii on Sat and Caroline goes back to school soon also. BOY, this house is going to be empty!!!

Bob is at rest

Yesterday at 4:50 Bob passed away. Caroline and I were with him and his dog was very near. His passing was very peaceful and he was in no pain. During the week that he was home, family and friends visited and the dog was on and off his bed. He knew he was dying and his strongest wish was to be at home. The funeral is at 10:30 Wed. morning at Holy Family Church on Route 36. Following the funeral we will be going to my sister Carol's house in Marlboro. Please join us to celebrate his life.

Bob's back home

Bob came home yesterday. He is home on hospice care until the end. The goal is to keep him comfortable, painfree and in his own space until his end. Right now I'm his main care giver. Caroline helps out and I do have the hospice services. I don't know how often I'll get on the computer as it is on a different floor then him BUT please keep us all in your prayers. Steven is coming up on Wed. and I hope that Bob is awake. Right now he is not really awake but he does not seem to be in pain either. I wish he could have come home sooner when he was in better shape but who knows why things happen the way they do.

Still melting

Well, lots has changed since Friday. Bob had an appointment with a pain specialist Monday afternoon. After a bone jarring ride in the ambulance which left me with a back ache we met a doctor who was the exact opposite of the puffed up a** we saw on Friday. He actually listened to Bob, was patient and waited for him to speak then outlined his options. Bob has decide to begin hospice services in the nursing home and do a bit more of physical therapy then come home ASAP! We met with the visiting nurse service they signed him up, had a medication review with medication specialist and we were told how grossly under medicated he has been for his pain! New order were written and now a few nurses are dragging their heels at giving him the "Amount" of medication he is receiving. TOO bad, I want him comfortable and home. If they don't get with the program, I'm just going to bring him home in a few days and do the physical therapy at home. I'm so glad that the hospice nurse kept telling him he has a right to be comfortable and pain free as much as possible NOT trying to tolerate as much pain as possible! I finished another petal bib and a garterlac wash cloth BUT the darling daughter filled my memory card with trashy pictures from the beach so you will have to imagine them!

Not much knitting but lots of other things going on

Is everyone else melting out there? My AC bit the dust a little over a week ago! There is one small chance of getting it going again BUT I spent a lot of time this week buying TWO window units, lugging them home myself and putting them in. My windows tilt out so I can only keep part of the house cool. I spent most of last week painting, rearranging and getting the downstairs ready for Bob to come home. He is coming home on my birthday, August 5th just for a trial, from 11 to 6. Hopefully he will come home for good on August 14th. We will start with home health care then transition to hospice when he needs more services. We had a frustrating doctor visit on Friday. Through miscommunication my poor husband was carted off by ambulance to see an orthopedic who would not see him BECAUSE he is post surgery!!!! Well DUH that was carefully explained when the visit was being set up!!!!! You would have thought that he would have share that little tidbit BEFORE we paid for an ambulance etc. It has taken Bob all weekend to recoup from the visit. After lots of venting on my part and much apologizing from the staff we are now are working on setting up an appointment with the first surgical deity who cannot be usurped by the local deity. He has an appointment with a pain management doctor Monday afternoon and I hope that he has some ways to help Bob. He is in constant pain and if that could be addressed things would be so much better! I'm up to the heel flap on my latest STR club sock and just about up to the cuff on a very nice sparkling sock. I need some sparkle in my life now. I made and gave away three of the petal bibs from the One Skein book and the Moms were thrilled with them. I had to reassure them that they really are made to be used!!!!!

Two Finished Projects and what's going on now!

I've been knitting with Sugar'n Cream the last few days. A real change from the sock yarn kick I've been on for months! The first is a bib from One Skein by Leigh Radford and the kitchen mat which was inspired by the Mason Dixon crochet bath mat.
The bib was challenging to make with following the short row shaping but really fun. I'm going to trim the fringe on the mat but it really is very soft and cushy.
Yesterday, Bob and I met with a nurse from a hospice program as suggested by his doctor. We have not decided if we are ready to use hospice services yet. I hate this whole insurance scramble. It seems like a cruel game. You need this, but they will give you some of it---- if you handle EVERYTHING perfectly, jump through each and every hoop, and anticipate all contingencies perfectly! Tracking down his doctors, getting information from the insurance companies,whose's a provider who is not etc.
I really want to concentrate on taking care of Bob and myself and so much of my time and energy goes to managing these other details. Right now the plan is for Bob to see a spine specialist July 28 and hopefully get a more comfortable brace and better pain management. I am hoping for him to come home mid to late August. We are trying to figure out the home care, pain management etc. Caroline and I are working on setting up the family room floor for Bob. He will have a bathroom, kitchen ,family room and bed all on one level and wheelchair ready. My friend is lending me a ramp and one of those scooter motorized chairs. Hopefully Bob will be able to be comfortable and we will see what will happen!

The Opposite of Socks

I started working on a project today which has to be as opposite as possible from socks. I've been eye balling the bathmat in Mason Dixon Knitting BUT I do not crochet and I'm not about to start now! SO I decided to BUY size 17 needles and use three strands of Sugar and Cream and using a modified log cabin approach I'm knitting a kitchen sink rug. I just want a cushy rug to sink my toes in while I do the dishes or just gaze out the window! I already have a square about 14 inches done. It would take me a life time to do this in sock yarn on size two needles! I'm not ready to talk about what is going on with Bob yet but please keep us in your prayers and good thoughts. We REALLY need them.

Another pair done!

Here's my latest sock, done in between running (actually slowing pushing a wheelchair) to physical therapy and OT with my husband and WAITING on hold on the phone and trying to understand the in and outs of insurance. Who pays for what, from which provider etc!!!! It's a FULL TIME job. I can't understand how someone like my husband who is not up to all this would actually be able to do all this in a hospital bed with very limited energy and limited access to a phone. I keep coming home and knitting like a crazy women and deadheading every flower my my garden that does not run away from me!

Can bones hurt?

I have been very busy the last few days doing outdoor chores and refinishing some outside furniture. My daughter and some of her friends have been helping me get the spring outside work done and getting the family room floor wheelchair ready for Bob. He will have everything he needs on one floor. We are painting ,replacing some rugs with smoother flooring and dejunking. We have to add rails and remove the thresholds. I can't just watch them work so I've been working along with them and then just keeping on by myself. ALL my muscles hurt and I think even my bones! The only exercise I've been getting is knitting! Caroline had her oldest best childhood friend sleep over last night so I got up early this morning and made a double batch of my cream scones and Becky's banana muffins. We had some and then I brought the rest to the nursing home for Bob and the weekend staff. I had breakfast in the backyard, and read the paper there, that alone makes all that yard work worth it! Now I'm going to make myself a light cold latte and try not to move anything except my knitting fingers for the rest of the night!

Three June Socks and Bob was on his feet today!!!!

Here are the three pairs of socks that I made in June mostly while visiting with Bob. I have a single sock made from two more pairs and soon I'll post them. Bob got out of his wheelchair, held a bar and kicked out with each leg six times to each side and then used a walker and WALKED about 40 feet! He was so excited we were both near tears. He did sleep most of the afternoon to rest from this big feat. We are hoping that he can return home at some point with home healthcare. I just had to order more sock yarn (really I have nothing suitable for him) because he is complaining that with all this knitting he has not gotten a pair. He has forgotten the pair he destroyed the Christmas of '05. I am not in the mood to fight with him about this.lol!

July 4th

Wow, where does time go! It's been a while since I posted but I hope to get caught up now that school is finally out! I've been spending lots of time with Bob at nursing home. He is making lots of progress (at least in my opinion!). I'm also zipping along on socks, have three complete pairs done, one orphan sock waiting for it's partner and one on the needles. I need to take pictures! Have a great 4th!!!!

Bob's back in NJ

Hi, Well, Bob arrived at the Medical Rehab, or in regular speech Nursing Home at 4:30 Friday afternoon. We quickly realized what a faux pas it is to arrive during DINNER and on a FRIDAY and WITHOUT ALL his medical records!!!!!! Sorry next time we'll try to arrive at a more acceptable time. I'm not going to name the facility he is in because I may have some really nasty things to say about it. Sat. was much better. I went there and found Bob clean in a nice freshly changed bed. I also brought his list of medications and they had given him everything except one item that was scheduled to arrive from the pharmacy. He is promised the air bed and an electric bed by Monday. He will also receive another evaluation from the Physical Therapist and hopefully will be more willing to use the brace and start getting up. I very politely told the staff that I live just 15 minutes away and that I'll be in and out all the time. The Sat. staff was very friendly and really seemed interested in taking care of him. They did monitor what he actually ate by the high tech way of actually looking at his tray NOT asking him. They brought him alternates that he was willing to eat! The hospital he was in was terrible in this regard. I'm starting on sock number 4 and have only THREE more day of work before summer vacation. My daughter took my camera to a wedding so I'll post pictures as soon as I can. (Of the socks not Bob, the yellowest man in NJ)

Good News

I finally have good news to report. I just came home from looking at a subacute or medical rehab for my husband. He may be able to leave the hospital the earliest Friday or by Monday or Tuesday of next week. He still is very sick but he is doing SO MUCH BETTER then the doctors thought he would. I don't know how much function he will regain but he is still with us. He is totally yellow, skin and bones and half asleep most of the time but he is looking great to me! This rehab is an easy 20 minute drive from my house, and the dog will be able to visit with him! He has been in the hospital since May 30th and still has not been out of bed. He is being fitted for a brace and hopefully will be able to sit up and get out of bed soon. I never would have thought that I would be happy to see Bob in this shape but given what we thought was happening not too long ago I am very happy with his progress. I know that everyone prayers and good thoughts helped him so much. So far I have finished THREE pairs of socks since he was has been in the hospital. They are not my best work but they did keep me sane!!! I'll post a picture when I am not so tired.

Sat. June 17th

When I got to the hospital yesterday Bob was excited about going home. Someone had said something to Bob to make him think that he was going home in a day or so with a visiting nurse seeing him once a week to bring him meds. I was floored at the idea of taking care of him at his level of illness . I asked the nurse to see the charge doctor, no response, then his lunch came and it was a total mess and I just about lost it. Then I met the Chaplin who has been visiting Bob and also talking to me and shared my frustration with him. Evidently he was the person to talk to because within a few minutes all the people I had been asking to see were eager to see me! Basically, Bob's liver is continuing to fail. He is receiving aggressive IV treatment for the infection, and fluids etc. to keep him hydrated etc. to try to give his body a chance to recover as much liver function as possible. If the liver shows no improvement he may be moved to a Medical Rehab where he can be kept comfortable and it would be a more relaxed setting. Bob still feel that he has a "shot" at getting better and I want him to keep that hope. When I asked the liver Dr. what I could do to help his suggestion was to get him to eat and try to talk to him and keep him alert. Except for salty foods the Dr said bring in what he wants to eat. I ran out to a local restaurant and we had pizza for dinner last night. This is the first time he really ate anything! Steven visited yesterday and it was a difficult visit for both of them but hopefully the start of some type of healing. I am knitting constantly and watching more daytime TV then I ever thought possible. He plays with the remote constantly but all I insist on is no Jerry Springer type shows and all shows must at least be in English!!!

Thursday June 15th Update and secret pal gift

I have gotten so many letters, cards and messages from friends. I can't thank you all enough. I have not answered hardly anyone because all I do is go in to work for a few hours in the morning, then go to the hospital and home to sleep! It really has been a crazy ride the last few days. We have had conversations with three doctors in the last three days and ALL three gave us TOTALLY different information! I am going to ask to speak with the doctor who is the case manager and ask for clarification. Bob however looks much better and was finally moved from intensive care to a bed on a medical floor. He thinks he is better and is very irritated with me "for keeping him there!" I went my doctor today because I am still coughing and he was very upset by my blood pressure until I told him about Bob so he'll recheck me when things are calmer! I did come home to a delightful package from my secret pal. I really love Karma and do I need some GOOD KARMA now.

Monday June 12th

Caroline and I spent the day with Bob at the hospital. Although he is clinically worse he seemed better and more willing to talk, even complain a bit and ask for his cell phone! He is in end stage liver failure and they are talking about trying to transfer him to a hospital that specialized in this condition. No decisions have been made yet and we will be with him again on Tuesday.